Sunday, May 18, 2008

Dropped Rider Protocol

During today's ride, which was going quite well, a situation arose calling into question, "What to do when one of the members of your pack gets dropped?"

First let's get one thing straight, the rider was not me...really!

There are several different scenarios for being dropped. For instance, if you and your buddies actually pick up said rider and drop Them. This usually never happens unless you are accompanied by someone you don't know very well and they are pissing you off.

But if you find yourself in this situation you should:
• Make sure he, (or she), is not hurt too badly and then quickly mount up and leave the scene!

• Then make sure the last person in line drags a leafy branch behind them to cover your tracks and insure you are not followed by the above dropped rider!

• Then make sure to tell the next person you see coming the other way that a crazy person on a bike is follow you.

Another way of being dropped is if most of the pack is feeling really strong and things are clicking like a set of those wind up teeth, one of the riders may just fall off the back!

In this case you should:
• Wait until they are totally out of sight but you can still barely hear their feeble gasps for air.

• Then stop at the top of the next available climb and quickly grab your gel, bar, or bottle of nutrition and start fueling up like you have been just chilling there for 5 min or so. (they really like when you do that)

• Then right when they catch up, stow your nutrition and start hitting it again. (they rally like that too)

Another situation would be if everyone is feeling good, everyone knows the trails, but somehow one rider gets slightly separated before a trail choice and incorrectly chooses.

If you find yourself in this predicament:
• You should stop and wait for them to realize their mistake and catch back up. (the amount of time you wait depend on how good a friend the dropped rider is...this varies of course)

• If they do not regroup after what you have deemed a comfortable period of time, you should head to the trail exit and wait for said rider

• If they don't appear after 10 mins, head to the next discussed trail head

• If they don't show up at that location in 10 mins., head back to the last trail exit and begin yelling the person's name in 2 min intervals. (Yell really LOUD)

• If still no luck, begin calling their phone numbers...yes all of them!

• If no answer, leave a voicemail message on all phones.

• If there is no call back in 5 mins. begin calling each number every 2 mins. (they love looking at their phone and seeing that they are so popular, "Wow I have 47 missed calls")

• If by now you have still not made contact you should just head home. (No reason to hang around and be questioned by the police if something bad has happened. I mean your the number one suspect after all! Don't you watch CSI?)

Since these situations do actually happen, I'm proposing that all mountain bike riders be implanted with a GPS chip and have their chip registered with my new company "BIG BROTHER" For a mere $5 per month, (Sign up for annual membership and pay only $50 for the entire year! That's a $10 savings!), and Big Brother will keep tabs on your riders for you.

Once you are implanted and registered all you have to do is ride. Leave the worrying to us. If you are out in the woods and become separated, or one of your pack is lost, just call our toll free number and we will locate your missing rider for you. easy as that! So make sure to get your implant as soon as possible. You never know when you might need a Big Brother!

If you're still a little squeamish about having a Big Brother chip implanted, at least be safe and carry some emergency flares. (You can buy your own set of emergency flares from, you guessed it, BIG BROTHER! A 2 pack only cost $19.95 and are sold in a variety of colors) If you get separated, just stay where you are and set off one flare. Wait 15 mins and if still no contact has been established set off the other one. This should do the trick since you most likely will have started a forest fire by now and there are a lot of people on their way to your location.

Sit tight help is on the way!!




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